Monday, January 09, 2006

BushFellas: I always wanted to bribe a Congressman

(Click image to enlarge--lots of nice details to read)

Hollywood, in a follow up to the smash comedy hit,  Throw Tommy From The Train, is now preparing an intense drama about the recent Abramoff scandal and plea bargain entitled, BushFellas.  I have the inside scoop on the film and am presenting the movie poster and sure to be memorable quotes from the film.

Jack Abramoff narrating the introduction:

"You know, we always called each other Bush fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, "You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a Bush fella. He's one of us." You understand? We were Bush fellas. GOPguys. But Tommy and I could never be made because we had Democratic blood. It didn't even matter that my mother voted for Reagan. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Republican so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as they aren't also a member. It's like a license to steal. It's a license to do anything. As far as George was concerned with Tommy being made, it was like we were all being made. We would now have one of our own as a member."

George Bush having a heartless-to-heartless talk with Dick Cheney:
You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Roy Blunt talking to Tom Delay after assuming Republican House leadership:

Now the guy's got Cheney as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Cheney. Trouble with a bill? He can go to Cheney. Trouble with the war, economy, Tommy, he can call Cheney. But now the guy's gotta come up with Cheney's money every week no matter what. Business bad? Fuck you, pay me. Oh, you had a fire? Fuck you, pay me. Place got hit by hurricane huh? Fuck you, pay me.

Tom DeLay on what it means being a Congressman:

For us to live any other way was nuts. Uh, to us, those goody-good people who worked shitty jobs for bum paychecks and took the subway to work every day, and worried about their bills, were dead. I mean they were suckers. They had no balls. If we wanted something we just took it. If anyone complained twice they got hit so bad, believe me, they never complained again.

Dick Cheney speaking to Scooter Libby after his indictment:

I'm not mad, I'm proud of you. You took your first pinch like a man and you learn two great things in your life. Look at me, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.

Michael Brown speaking about no longer being a BushFella:

And that's the hardest part. Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food - right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

Karl Rove reminiscing about Jeff Gannon:

And then there was Jimmy-Jeff Two Times, who got that nickname because he said and did everything twice, like: "I'm gonna be a reporter, be a reporter."


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